A cold and more questions

I came down with a cold and a bad throat. It’s not a good time to fall sick but I still did.
I don’t know how. It can’t be because I freeze in the library almost everyday can it? Because if that’s so I’d have no where to go.

I guess I very much prefer the library to serene now that it’s walking distance away, and it’s quiet. Most of the times, it’s quiet.
There is no need to tolerate breathing in second hand smoke. No need to check which manager’s on duty to know if he/she will chase me away. No need to think about whether the wind will blow my papers away. No need to consider if the weather will be too warm to be able to focus well enough.

I get extremely annoyed when there are people who disturb my peace in the library. I can’t help it. And I stare at them. Children. The other day it wasn’t children but still, >:(, can’t they be more considerate?
Possibly because it’s the exam season etc etc etc and I’m touchy. So the slightest things can cause out-of-proportion-reactions.
I’m so sorry to everyone who has to bear with me, sigh.

Some days I’m just so tired.
I’m tired of being tired.
Can this just hurry end?

 

Reaching extremes

And so, my appetite died.
It was bad enough all this while, but I could still get at least 2 sufficient meals a day fairly comfortably.
The past few days it took a plunge.
I hate forcing myself to eat, but I still do anyway.
Eating lunch today was torturous.
I’m not looking forward to taking dinner and it’s supposedly already past my dinner time.

Sigh help. :(

And I seriously wish I didn’t have to take tomorrow’s paper.
Have never neglected econs this much.
Indeed I used to really like it.
But it constantly showed me that it didn’t like me one bit.

 

I hope nothing changes.

Is that impossible?

The past few days have been too lovely.
Thursday was an especially beautiful day.
And then I ask again, “Am I too blessed?”

The wait was over on Wednesday, and I can’t be anymore glad, I was all smiles by Wednesday night.
I was so excited of the days I had difficulty going back to sleep when I woke up halfway.
(Haha, oh gosh I feel so silly.)

Hello, thank god for Chinghwee. :)

Of course, a lot more studying goes on. And somehow tonight, I feel so sick of thinking about my studies.
Organic inorganic physical chem, integration vectors complex numbers, macro issues policies market failure, forces superposition quantum physics..
Helppppppp.

I wish, I could go a day without thinking about my studies at all.
Just. One. Day.
Maybe I should sleep longer.
(Argh, And I need to stop thinking of running away because of this sigh.)

(Didn’t mean for this post to end this way either.)

 

Woozy

Msa has ended!
I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
Now that msa is over, I really feel much better.
A whole load of stress is off.
That doesn’t mean that there’s no load on my shoulders now but I’m so tired, my whole mind is blank and my body is shutting down.
I don’t even feel like moving anymore.

I know I have to keep working on my studies if I really wanna do well.
Everyone tells me about how things will only get worse.
But, don’t let the stress bite.
BITE THE STRESS.

(Alright, I don’t think my sentences make sense I’m incoherent my eyelids are heavy my fingers are tired of typing and I think I should just, yes, go away first.)
Must keep fighting.

Just one more thing, there’s too much noise in my head again.
I’m worrying about a lot of things and doing things I shouldn’t and all that sigh okay need to sleep, soon.

 

Wreck

Usually my concentration, productivity and self discipline are barely there but I still manage alittle work.
Today was just terrible.
Nothing’s done and it’s just about reaching 11. Probably past 11 by the time I get this published.
Aye.

I think I’m starting to have trouble sleeping too. Hah.

Felt like I barely slept last night.
I was tossing and turning at 0100.
Wide awake at 0500 thinking I was late for school already.
In between I was barely sleeping.
Relaxing my thinking brows(I like this expression somehow) didn’t work. Hehheh.
Felt like I was stoning through the hours and just really trying to get myself out of myself for some sleep but it wasn’t working.

Alright, I’m not coherent and full of nonsense. (As always :/)
And I’m still awake because I just got a cup of cofffffeeeee.
Hmm.

Do you know the feeling of like,
“There’s so little time left because I wasted too much time today. So I might as well waste all of it because even that bit of time left would not be productive. So should I, or should I not do my work with the remaining time?”
Yeah I had coffee but I doubt I can last tonight.
Hmmm.

Jiayou, acl.

 

I want a doctor.

There’s something terribly wrong with me.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to cope with it in a long run.

I lose appetite the moment I’m in college.
Actually I feel sick stepping into college.
Hah.
It’s probably just some psychological problem but it doesn’t feel good.

It’s not like in Secondary school, I miss recesses not because I don’t have appetite.
I can’t be bothered to go to the canteen, furthermore I don’t feel hungry since it’s merely recess.
Yes, I do go without breakfast, don’t ask me how.
In Secondary school, I do take lunch most of the time.
Maybe at least a snack.
Body probably needs food by then.

Over where I’ve to go now, I can’t. Eat.
I can only just have a drink, for lunch. After activities.

I hope I get to change it soon.
I am trying to deal with it and try not to be like that.

And thinking about real school starting on the coming monday, it makes me nauseated.
Or yeah, just sick.
The idea is there.

I’m afraid of school.
The word ‘retain’ is scary.
And my parents and brother, maybe unintentionally, gives me a lot of stress.
I don’t think I made a wrong decision.
But I don’t think I’m up to it yet.

Not like this.

Okay, maybe I’m just looking too much into things, taking things too seriously or something.
Just needed space to. Talk nonsense.

 

Hi, Murphy.

I went swimmingggggggg.
Just 20 laps though.
My mummy called me crazy for going to swim in mid-afternoon.
But I had no choice since I don’t want a huge time gap before I go swimming.
And and and, there’s little people at noon!
So my laps won’t have to be distorted. :B

Swimming always makes me feel better, alittle.
It works much better in the past. Hah.
But uh, without choir, I feel the need to exercise.
Choir was tough alright.
The standing for long hours especially and using your breath to sing.
Now if I don’t go swimming I’d actually feel uncomfortable.
But I still want to play badminton or volleyball or basketball.
Anybodyyyy willing to take time?
Sigh.

And I’ve come to conclusion, that I shouldn’t whine and complain and rant when my brother’s home.
Because it’s good for me.
Now this is bad.
Shizzzz prelims are next week.
Don’t feel like starting the engine, what to do?

Now I’m just really upset I can’t figure Chemistry.
I just have to burst out saying, “How the hell would I knowwwwwwww.”

 

Silence would be enough.

Credits to Claire for the flower! :B
&Really really, I’m so happy for so many of you for your results! :D

I’ve never really been away but in anycase, I guess I’m back here. Heh.
Take it as it was a hazy period here.

It amazes me how people can stay away from the computer.
After all prelims are coming and everything.
They leave their computer shut most of the time.
I don’t exactly use it most of the time since my brother’s home and all butttt, I still use it, quite, often, I guess.
Seldom compared to before! :/

The only dilemma for me recently, was whether to retake the Chinese papers again.
Because of that dumb dumb durian, distinction.
But let’s not talk about that.

Flag day exactly one week ago was a good experience.
I’ll actually keep this short because I could rant forever.
Though everyone started being skeptical after a period of time, I guess it was only because our heels were aching.
Because some folks apparently, were.. alittle too cynical.
I shrugged them away till it was all over at least.
I’m so sorry to say this but I really prefer Bishan to TPY.
The meal times were a joy. Hah.

After-which my concession died some time in the week.
I was unaware of it and I didn’t have sufficient coins.
Luckily for Celeste who was in the bus and I could borrow 20 centttts.
Or else ah, hmmm.
I wonder.
Probably have to go around asking for change.
And that’d give me a not-very-nice-feeling.
I mean.. It’s just uncomfortable.
The out of comfort zone kind.

Met Ms N on Tuesday too for help with Oral.
And I was really glad I did because I had a better understanding of how to go about picture discussion.
Ms N repeatedly warns us how Oral will give a one grade jump or a one grade fall.
I was wondering if that was quite demanding, for oral to decide a whole grade.
But I guess it was only just.. yeah.
Acceptable.
Ms N always has drama classes in the afternoon and you see her commitment when she’s willing to spare us time after drama.
And how much she worries and is willing to help.
Almost, just almost, reminded me of Ms G.
But Ms N is sweet, that can’t be anymore true.

And so, it was oral yesterday.
Just Beverly and I from our class being the last 2.
Its quite, i-don’t-know when everyone in class can be all relaxed and wish you all the best.

It was shivering cold in ITR2, I wanted to pee by the time there was 2 left before me.
And Mrs R toooo.
You should see how much stress is on her while we take our orals.
The other day she couldn’t walk properly!
And it’s draining to be stressed, really.
Imagine when it’s time for us to take our papers.
Heh.
But she was really nice, she came in twice to check if we were doing alright and if we had questions or anything.

Anyway, to kill time and rid nervousness, Beverly and I kept talking about common topics that may come out.
From maids to the elderly to HIV to Pre-marital sex to advanced technologies to foreign talent to overseas studies to fitness and to the most random things that came to mind.
And of course the more personal ones like a time when you were embarrassed, disappointed, upset, angry, mistaken, happy, guilty, regretful and alll that crap.
It was until Ms S came over to us and said,
“I didn’t know the two of you could talk so much.”
We still continued talking of course.

But tell you somethinggggggg, in the end right, I was nervous, I can’t deny.
Heh.
And I spoke like a bullet train.
I thought I was gonna kill myself when I left that room.

If you guys need to know, the whole theme was about disabled people.
Mmmm.

Keep practicing everyone!
And always have ideas in your mind.
Oh and common mispronounced words right, do be careful about words like Buoy, Cocoa, Chaffeur, Doubt.
Will leave more when it comes to mind!

I’d also say that I prefer not being the first few because it’s just, not the same.

Always find time to Stop and smell the roses!
Even Ms N recommends Up. :D

Now, back to homework weekendddd.

 

Without words leave you helpless.

You should feel the relief after the Biology test was over.
It was only then I could finally feel that it’s really friday. Finally Friday again.
So there goes Chem SPA and Physics test as well.

I remember Mr N being worried about the class being stressed. Hah.
But when he sort of asked why, we couldn’t really say anything.
And he sounded well, very assured with much faith that the teachers Ms N and Mr C could produce classes with good results for Physics.
Adding on that Ms N pushes alot.

Actually the stress can be managed when it’s put off once in a while.
But it’s the fatigue everything’s bringing.
Usually homework comes at full force on Thursdays.
This week it all came in the first day.

I’m just glad there’s no more SPA to worry about.
What’s coming next is English orals I believe.

Oh and I’d like to just clear up some things about comments.
It’s not necessary to type in your email.
Just the name will do.
And also, once you’ve pressed “Submit Comment”, I believe you don’t see it on the site straight away.
This is because I’ll have to approve it first.
And since it is so, you can tell me if you don’t want your comment to be shown and you can just leave a message or anything of that sort.
Yupppppppp.

Now I’m hesitating to go swimming laterr.
Aye.