What’s taking Friday so long?

School has been.. school.
Not that good, but that’s normal.
Days have been the usual, draining.
Some days more demoralising than others. Some days more tolerable.
But I believe all of us are used to all of it already.

Tomorrow’s going to be a long day in school.
Dreadful.

My stomach still feels funny tonight.
I think I really ate something wrong. :(

And well, I’m feeling really tired but I’m dropping by while going to print things in awhile.
The days seem to drag by.
Yet at the end of the week, it can feel like the week flew by.
How is that possible?

Time is short.
There really is so many things I would like to do once I get over and done with As.
Too many things.
I can’t wait.
But As are pretty much screwing me up while it’s drawing closer.

Gotta. Keep. Fighting.

 

“But we will make it work.”

I haven’t been here all week.
Haven’t touched the computer for quite a while now.
I guess I’m pretty glad I don’t feel the need to use my computer.
At least I’ve still got my phone, and I guess that’s enough distraction at times already.

The week has been, extraordinary in some ways, yet just normal and boring in other ways.
School is as usual. Exhausting. Stressful.
There are the fun times, the hilarious times, but other things are pretty much the same.
Teachers work teachers work results tests lectures tutorials assignments deadlines prelims.
We are constantly reminded of how many days we are left with.
It’s really not much.
I’d say “I can’t wait for all these to be over”, and soon enough, it really will be.
How would I feel then?

But all these have still been bearable thus far.
Life as it is.

And I’m really missing a few people. :(

 

Don’t you dare give up.

Thank God it’s Friday!
New theme hehe, I kind of got sick of the old one and wanted to see something fresher.

The week seemed to have passed pretty fast.
Funny thing is, yesterday felt like Wednesday.

Finally got to sleep just a little better last night.
(This almost happens only once a week on average.)
But the same thing just always happen- I keep waking at around 4 in the mornings.
I think it’s a habit because I used to get a text around then previously.
And then I’ll start waking up in intervals after that.
It’s so disruptive, I really don’t like it.
I used to be alright, but school’s too tiring for that to be happening to me.

Sigh, I really need to use my time wisely.
But half the time my eyelids are heavy.
My brain’s dying to shut down.
The mornings are always the hardest- The getting out of bed in the first place.

Oh yes and my appetite’s been bad lately.
I still make myself eat of course.
It goes like this most of the time:
When it’s time for lunch or dinner, I know I need to get food.
So yes, food’s in front of me and it’s time to dig in.
After the first mouthful of food… I feel full already.
But I have to make myself complete my meal.

Oh well.

I just have to grit my teeth and do what I need to do.
I know I’m not the only one struggling.
So if you’re reading this, and you feel suffocated just like I do, take a deep breath and tell yourself everything will be alright.
That’s not enough though.
After that you have to believe in yourself and what you just told yourself.

Come on come on we can all do this!

(Hmmmmm, sometimes I can’t believe in my positivity. I was never like that. But well, I have to believe in myself too yes? And we all just have to keep fighting.)

 

Then they all look for someone better.

Sucks that things didn’t go as planned yesterday.
There’s been a lot of noise in my head too, I don’t know.
Then the calls I can’t help.
I probably need a scream fest.
I’m confused to some extent.
And I wish I could scream my worries/thoughts away.

School’s been school.
Tiring. Exhausting. Scary. Busy.
Hives stayed on till last night where I finally applied calamine lotion.
Does anyone know it it’s the lotion you apply if you get chicken pox?
I remember the smell of it, and to be honest, heheh, I liked the smell of the thing we had to apply onto chicken pox when we was younger.

Went to school despite the slight fever and the persistent hives the other day mostly because there was a performance.
I was contemplating whether or not to stay in school after that.
But convinced myself that since there was make-up tutorial for econs and 5 periods of chem, of course I should stay.
And I lasted the entire day.
In fact, I even played volleyball because I couldn’t resist.
But I did feel better as the day went on, just that I felt weaker than before.

Appetite’s been on and off for me too.
I don’t know what’s up.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I wish I could say I don’t know for everything and get away with that.

 

Running on empty

It’s been another week of school.
I didn’t even get to spend more than 1 hour on the computer.
I think I didn’t even reach an hour this week.
School is hectic.
It’s so crazy, I’m tired the whole time.
Towards the end of the week, it feel like saying I’d be exhausted would be an understatement.
Papers were bad horrible terrible whatever you can think of.
Makes me feel pathetic. Grrrrr.

Plusss, hives appeared on my arms today while I was on my way to school.
I was getting scared because I don’t like that tingling pain on my skin knowing that if I scratch a swollen bump might surface.
But I’m glad when I stopped myself from scratching, it eventually went down again.
Probably shows my immune system is working!

Whole body’s aching too due to the running yesterday. :(

I can’t wait to get plenty of sleep tonight.
Yes I don’t like to spend too much time on sleep but I need it.
I feel like a walking zombie.

Weekends are busy busy busy too.
And it’ll only get worse.

 

The need for closure.

School has started.
It has only been a week and guess what, feels like I need another holiday already.
Maybe I’m exaggerating a little but you know what I mean.

Next week is just about a whole week of papers and I’m really worried.
I keep having this feeling that if I fail everything, I’m a goner.
Then I’m doomed.

To me, school did start quite alright.
Though the stress came straight from the first day of school and I know it’ll only worsen, the first day wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be.
The class just feels empty without Jia, Xiaowei and Clarice around.
I miss Jia leaving food on my notes so that I’ll eat them and Xiaowei and her sour plums. Then there’s Clarice who’s always there to say “You better eat!”
Or the times we just talk talk talk talk and go for break together and buy food together and eat together and talk talk talk again.
When I see them around school, it’s really like “:D”.

Now I really hope next week will be alright.
Jiayou, everyone!

 

I just wanted you to know.

There was a special spark to today.
It just felt different.

It’s the last day of school, finally.
And thank god it’s friday!
I’ve KO-ed the whole week, it feels horrible.
Though the holidays can’t be true holidays for me, I hope I’ll be disciplined enough to do what I need to do.

There’s no denying that some classmates won’t be in the same class as us next year already.
And it’s just so, sad.
We always wanted to graduate together.
And I’m going to miss them so much.
The times we become silly and lame.
The times we just laugh at ourselves or anything.
These bittersweet times were priceless.

Ahhh.
I’m relieved that school term has finally ended this year.
It was such a struggle.
But I just wished time would stop now.
And it obviously can’t.

I don’t feel ready for all that’s to come.

All in all, though bittersweet, the school term did end nicely.
I’m thankful for that.

 

Have you drawn the line?

The last week of school has been passing really slowly.
For some reason, 2 days felt like it could have been almost a week already.
Maybe it was the 3 hour break we had yesterday.
Or the other 3 hour break I had today while waiting for practice to start.

Mr K wants a solo piece from everyone and a recital on the first week of january!
I’m excited, though I know quite a number of people don’t appear to favour the idea.
But I have a problem too-
How am I going to find a song!

In anycase, let the days continue to drag by.
I can bet everyone dreads waking up in the morning because we all know that it’s the holidays for our peers in other schools already.
It feels really horrible to wake at such early hours for school when you know that it just shouldn’t be like that now.
Of course that makes you feel worst about your current state but it’s true isn’t it!
Why can’t they just let us off already. ):

Oh yes, I sleep at my usual midnight hour but I’m terribly tired when I wake up.
It’s so bad that I end up sleeping in the train from Outram to Potong Pasir.
Usually I’d say that I’m resting my eyes but these days I end up falling asleep.
I can’t even be bothered if I could be unglam, I’m tiredddd.

Sigh, this kinda sucks.

 

Interrupted.

It was 20:00 just now and my mom walked past my room to ask if there was school tomorrow.
And then she said,”Tomorrow got school why still haven’t sleep?”
So I just gave her a blank look and she went to her room.
She’s probably too tired.

Actually I came here with just one thing to say.
I love family dinners together, especially when it’s out.
Alright, it’s fine at home too but I prefer it out.
Usually we don’t have that many chances to eat together because my parents might be working OT, Brother could be in army or I could be having extra stuff in school.
Furthermore, ever since my brother came back from Australia, he’d follow us for dinner and eat with us.
Heh heh, I like.

Oh just one more statement.
It’s supposed to be extra lessons already and not those normal school days, I don’t get why the school still has to hold the rule of not allowing students to leave school before 1300 even when we don’t have anymore lessons.
Ridiculous.

 

Greatness is within.

These few days more or less on my own made me realise quite a few things.
I had the time to just Stop.

The time spent with old friends that day, made me see how they could enjoy school.
They talk about school with a smile.
They’ve got so much to talk about school.
What about me?

It’s time to be honest with myself.
I know I don’t like school.
I hate school.
But to some, when they get to know that, they think nothing of it.
Yes, initially, I thought nothing of it.
However as time went on, it became clearer and clearer to me.
I’m not fit for a college.
Isn’t it too late for this?
Sounds pathetic doesn’t it?
Some think I had a personal reason for being where I am today.
But I don’t.
I don’t have a reason for being where I am.
I just had no where to go.
No where to go, then.

After all these have been said, it does sound quite, discouraging.
But I’m going to fight against myself.
I’ll try.
And I’ll end this journey well.
I hope to prove myself wrong.

All these have to begin with a will.
Will I be up to it?

Just one more thing.
I love my family. I love my friends.
Because it’s quite overwhelming but I know, that I can never be here without them.

 

You and I both

School has been so pw-chinese-sy.
After all that is the main focus for end of year.

Pw may seem like an easy pushover (Probably the wrong expression), but it’s really draining.
Sometimes it might get a little exciting when everyone starts coming up with promising ideas though, hah.
Other then that pw seems like a, (though I don’t wish to say), burden.
The next few days will have many hours devoted to pw-chinese-pw-chinese.
Rawwwwr.
It’s getting crazy.

I don’t like the suspense about the results thing.
It makes everything so uncertain and I really don’t know what to think.
After reviewing the papers, (though I probably stoned most of the time during the review), I have the feeling that my results can really go either way.
But still, they won’t let us know anything, not till 25th of October.
What a dragggggg.
Dread dread dreading but I need to know.

 

Will I be a fool for still being that way?

Do dogs understand each other when they bark?

The thought suddenly came to me while I was having dinner.
Don’t you wonder?

It is when you’ve spent enough time with your dog that this mutual understanding starts to develop between you and your dog.
By then it’d probably be easy to decipher roughly what your dog wants when he or she is barking.
(I kinda refuse to use ‘it’.)
In anycase, then when we talk to our dogs, do you think they really know how we are feeling?

I was just. Yup, wondering.

The days have been good where there isn’t school work involved.
But as soon as ‘soon’, they’ll start bombarding my life.
Then the whole cycle repeats.
And I just don’t like it.

 

The unwillingness grows stronger

It’s getting late.
But I can’t get to sleep.
What if I can’t wake up tomorrow.
And this is just how I’m dreading school now.
Because I didn’t get anything done.
It was another wasted holiday.
I should really hate myself.