In the middle.

Yesterday didn’t start too well.
Felt like I was screwing up the little things.
Felt like fate didn’t want me to do certain things when two axs machines failed me.
When I couldn’t get proper sleep because of gory scenes that replayed in my head.
When the axs at gvg totally showed that axs could actually work it.
When I was silly and too square about the buying.
When I totally realised the additional 1 would have been a much better choice.
I was then stranded because it started raining heavily.
Didn’t have anything to do and had to waste time waiting for my parents to get ready back home to go to the hospital.
Then my parents were being, annoying.
My mother expecting much.
My father was saying too much about everything.

I don’t know, when it all adds up the morning really was quite bad for me.

Didn’t know how to conclude my night yesterday.
Was pretty sure that that was a bad thing.
Thought through it today and I guess, hmm.
The day did end off pretty well.

I’m relieved. :)
All right, gotta hit the books today.

 

Those nights have been missed.

Haven’t spoken properly to my mom for awhile now.
Home haven’t been a pleasant place to be in the past week or more.
I’m either snapping or really just suppressing so much unhappiness that I am afraid of the day I explode.

I don’t understand most of the theories my dad come up with.
Don’t understand the point of my mom saying and doing certain things.
Don’t understand the excuses they give us where they are entitled to do certain things while we are not even though, its the same things.

Could be about setting the example.
Could be about some rebellious side of me appearing.
I don’t know.

I love my parents all the same.
But you know, sometimes, it’s just.. Not there.

 

The unknown

My parents had a tiff the other day.
And they’ve been having a cold war for the whole weekend now.
I find it, childish.
Or shall I use puerile.

It’s not like my mom didn’t try.
But my dad’s ego is too huge, he wouldn’t reciprocate.

I wonder how long this is going to last.
Because it’s affecting the children, you know.
And it’s just disturbing, annoying, cold, and scary.

Both of them look as sad and disappointed.
Mom keeps asking me about my dad because he’d just disappear.
And my dad doesn’t speak to anyone at all.

What’s going to happen next?
When people don’t feel good, they do silly things.

 

Give me a break

I come home really tired after this hectic week and all I get is my dad asking me to do this do that, asking me 4 times what I’d like to have for dinner within one hour and my dogs barking non-stop.
I can’t even get some peace, I want to just lock my door and be in my own world.
Maybe if he used texts to communicate with me that it wouldn’t annoy me as much because I could just lie in bed and reply.
Sigh.
Can’t you feel it when sometimes someone else just doesn’t feel like talking?

Okay, I need to breathe.
(Be back later)

 

Find your way back to love

Today’s my Father’s birthday.
And it feels weird.
I have never had the habit of wishing him Happy Birthday, nor getting him a gift.
When I was much younger, I used to send him a text saying “Happy Birthday.”
That was when I was still really afraid of him.
Now I don’t feel that fear, and it’s more comfortable, but I don’t wish him either.
I would silently.
But you know, yeah I don’t know.
Ah.

 

Too quick to agree

That’s what happens when you’re tired. Your decision-making skills erode. You start missing things- Things that you would pick up on any other day.

Father’s taking double shifts and he thought the traffic light turned green already, so he accelerated.
It was still red.

Thank god nothing happened.

 

Walking backwards

I miss going to wholesale centers with my dad.
While it’s intimidating being in such a huge place because I’m always afraid of getting lost.
Afraid that my dad wouldn’t be able to find me.

Then there were those big rooms used to refrigerate the fruits and I like going in there because it’s cold and exciting.
Fresh fruits always give off a very pleasant smell too.
The sellers there were friendly towards me and would try to strike a conversation.

Then I remember times when a stray dog comes by and my face would lighten up because I always loved dogs.
That was when I haven’t had Jack yet.

After we had Jack and the pups, I used to bring them to dog run which is beside the wholesale center while my dad would then go buy the usual fruits.
I used to play hide and seek with them.
While at the start, they would roam on their own and not bother if I left, few minutes later they’ll be frantically running back to you.

Now we can’t bring them to dog run anymore because they are aggressive towards each other.
And we don’t go to the wholesale center because we don’t need fruits from there anymore.

But the memories were so pleasant. (Though sometimes I do admit I don’t want to go to the wholesale center but was made to.)
I remember the mangosteen place, the watermelon place, the one with the vegetable and the oranges and apples!

Ah, good old days.

 

I feel like eating yoghurt.

After some time, I guess it doesn’t feel like a have-a-good-night-rest-then-you’ll-be-fine-the-next-morning sickness anymore.

And there are just a few things I hate when I’m ill.
Firstly, is to be alone at home.
Today’s not so bad.
Mom was around in the morning-ish-early-noon period and dad came back by evening.

The thing I cannot stand the most, and thus why I hate vomitting, is when I can’t breathe.
I hate it when I can’t breathe.

It happened today after lunch.
I just came home from school.
Throughout the whole train ride I tried to convince myself that I’m alright.
It was just the fever-ish feeling after all.
But after lunch, I keep thinking that I couldn’t breathe.
Had lots of phlegm stuck.
Whether I breathe through my mouth or nose, there’ll be this sound that made it evident that my breathing pathway is partially blocked.
I couldn’t sleep.
Then I wondered. If I really slept, what if I stop breathing halfway through?
Heh. Couldn’t help the thought.

Stayed awake to cough all the phlegm out, or at least attempted to cough most of it out.
I felt better after sleeping but not so good now.

Just had to share something.
Or maybe most of you know how to take care of yourselves.
I thought I did. Hah.

When I was ill just recently but not this time, I was complacent.
I thought it’ll be alright if I didn’t eat breakfast.
It was a habit, not eating breakfast.
I never did since young.
And when I wake up, it doesn’t come to me that- I have to eat breakfast.
So I fainted then.
Not once. Twice and it was when I was alone.

I was scared, crazily frightened. (They said I could have gone into shock.)
My dog woke me up at the first time.
My dad saved me at the second, at the sort-of void deck.

I didn’t even know why I was fainting.
Not till I came home from the doctor and had some food.

This might be funny but food never tasted so good before, hahaha.

Okay so EAT YOUR BREAKFAST.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, hah.

 

The tiny little things that matter.

Guess who’s a happy girl today, heh.
I’m back with a toshiba like beforeee!
I kinda like the feeling though yeah, it does feel weird for a start.

Headed over to comex with my parents today.
We had dinner first and all.
Its really amusing how we wait for parking lots.
It was getting late and we were ‘roaming’ around the area looking for a parking lot which is near suntec.
Suntec’s parking lots were full.
Same goes for marina square and so many others.
So we decided to go to the some street near bugis junction and it was also full!
I found it quite surprising because I thought it was considered as quite ‘ulu’ but I guess I was wrong and besides, it’s Friday.

So we saw someone leave but logically speaking, the lot would belong to the guy in front of us.
But he wasn’t waiting for a lot!
So frustrating because another car which was just coming in took the lot and we’d have to wait for another person to leave now.
You see people go to their cars but it’s not to leave.
Some just sit there and do the things they want.
Like one guy who sat in his car (yes we all thought he was leaving), but he was there to have a cigar.

After some time we saw this car leaving and everyone kanchiong.
“In front in front in front, that car going already, faster faster faster!”
Yes, you may call us typical Singaporeans but that whole episode amused me to no end.
I was laughing to myself even after getting out.

Comex was crowded as expected. (My oxygen! :X)
I wasn’t even sure of what I was getting, only knew I wanted toshiba.
I feel comfortable with toshiba, I think it’s good. :B

Mmmm.

All the uncertainty about which laptop to get.
I was asked to walk one round but they all looked the same to me.
Yeah I know what to check out to know the differences but I couldn’t do that to all the computers.
It was down to the one which sounded good on the brochure or the one that looked good and sounded good in real.
The one that sounded good didn’t have too appealing graphic abilities heh.

In the end I got the one that looked and sounded good in real.

You know, days like these I feel like I’m too blessed for who I am.
Aye.

My parents are too lovely.

 

Didn’t see you there.

Usually I wake up to see the numbers 0552.
This morning I woke up to see the numbers 0641.
I died.

Woke up really late for school today but funnily I made it just in time.
Caused so much trouble though.
Tried asking my father to send me but he was far away.
And he actually called to ask my godfather too!
But I took the train in the end and I believe that’s the fastest way out still.

Even so, I reached queenstown coming home and it started pouring.
So I called my mummy to see if she could come get me.
She told me that they were eating halfway and if they have finished eating already and it’s still pouring then she’ll come get me.
I was alright with the waiting, but a few minutes passed and my mom called me to tell me that my father is coming to get me.
I was shocked to some extent. Heh.
And my father really came with two umbrellas and niki in his hand.

To be realllly honest, I was happy.

Mmmm. [:

 

Pulled the strings tighter

I think my father wants me to be in a girl school all my life.

I don’t want to add anything to that but it’s getting really frustrating.
Might as well ask him to go alicia’s house.
Argh.

He was hesitant to sign camp form.

 

Take me back to the start.

The websites are back to norrrrmal. :B

I felt like I had alot to say recently.
But when I look at this white and gray page with a text box here I’m starting to forgettt.

Well, badminton was postponed. That was one.
Everyone’s busy busy, that’s probably why I always go swimming alone too.

Tuesday blues.
And furthermore it’s common test week, which is totally annoyinggg.
It’s especially since there’s Social studies.
It kills me to study for it since I never know how.

But just three more sciences for Thursday and Friday.
Can’t wait for it to be over.
I’m quite excited for flag day somehow.
And I’ve things I want to do this weekenddd.

I’m glad with the tests, though the day drags longer in school, the days seem to pass faster for the week.
Furthermore it’s a discounted weeek, all the better. :B

The thing about Tuesday was, meeting my Father in 186 when I was going to school.
I got quite a, fright/shock.
Then yknw the usual, takes-off-one-earpiece, stop-using-handphone, lowers-music-volume kinda thing.
Aye.

As for todayyyy, the outstanding thing was with 186 too.
Since 2 buses came at the same time, I took the emptier one behind.
And the two tap zones were faulty.
Then I could hear the uncle tell us it’s a free ride, don’t worry about it and just take a seat.
The nice thing was, he sounded friendly and all early in the morning.
That free ride felt like it was making everyone’s day as the adults smiled.
I didn’t think I’d take a bus like thattt.

Somehow someway I think I should stop here.
This post feels disoriented to me.